He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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