I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
