I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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