Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
