im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
