yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
