she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
