M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
