And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
