dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
