If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
