escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
