And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
