Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
