If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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