Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
