I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
