Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
