There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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