There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
