Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
