i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
