her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
