Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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