I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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