Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
