you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
