you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
