i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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