Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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