I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
