I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
