Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
