How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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