yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
