your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
