Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In other news, I just burned my penis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
