Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
