we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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