I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
