some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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