She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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