I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
