Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
