Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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