how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
