what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
