My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
