Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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