Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
